It’s supposed to be bad form to talk about this but…

selfcam

Taking pics to remind the self of itself (at this stage of self) later on.

Looked at my bank account this morning. Man, I’m about ready to go somewhere and listen to slave negro spirituals up in here! Here is where the finances catch up to me… just as I had anticipated. Doesn’t make it less severe. The chickens have come home to roost from funding a short film trailer during the holidays (the only conceivable time we could manage it), along with keeping the family Xmas afloat. I had to laugh at the even more abysmal amount in savings; thinking about conversing with director/producer/ Lesesne Media Group CEO Tony Lesesne about Super Bowl plans just last night. We met at the Chris Spencer talk and were throwing around possibilities for my writing a show with his production company – or featuring this actual blog. My goofy tail, trying to stay in step with social graces, offered to have folks come over for the game. At this rate, I’d have folks watching that mess on hulu, eating Twinkies  and drinking Sunny Delight up in here . Pardon me if this blog post is a slip up in the positivity path I’m taking. I have yet to discern the differences between productive, cathartic venting,  artistic expression of truth and pathetic whining. My aim is the former. I’ll find my way. This is the biggest challenge for me in all of this – moreso than someone simply not liking my work. Let’s be honest, financing dreams is one of the major reasons people are scared into remaining where they are. I just can’t allow that to be an  excuse for me any longer.

So, here I am, sitting at red lights on the way to work, breathing deeply to help ignore the loose knocking of my front brakes. Pulling my new screenwriter/producer business cards out of my pocket and kissing them. Rubbing their cool flatness across my face. A guy with a bucket that was about to knock on my window for change has suddenly changed his mind. That’s funny. I’ll tell myself as much until it is.

The product placement expo is happening on Thursday. I will be there, pitching as though the life of this project depends on it. Everyone that I have met in the last two months that has similar ambitions will either be there, have someone there to represent them or will wish they were.

My family is looking to send some funds this way by this week (like I said, I’ve mapped this out). It should carry me over the hump to the next paycheck. Don’t know the specified amount, however, ready to put out some fires with whatever it is. In the meantime, I’m grinding to supplement it with possible jobs at professional blogging and tutoring possibilities. Applied for some online teaching classes. No sitting in some cafe sipping a latte for me. I’m too blue collar in my work ethic for that. Gotta keep my head on a swivel for opportunities.

This movie will be made. My career as a filmmaker is in the making. I’ve come too far to be scared back into life’s spectator seats.  Jesus is on the mainline, ’bout to tell Him what I want at the next red light. Again.

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